Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eh... Nevermind. And Uh.... Happy New Year!

Disregard my earlier post... I can't wait a whole week to talk to you guys. Heck, I couldn't even make it a whole night! This blog is so therapeutic for me and even though it sometimes takes a lot of time and digs up some past hurts, it's good to get it out of my head!

So, let's put it this way... at the very least I will blog on Sunday's, but more than likely, it'll be more often than that!

Cool. Ok. So tonight I....... wait for it........ I EXERCISED!!! Yah, I know. Total shocker, right? So I was sitting on the couch watching tv only I couldn't find anything to watch. (Side note: I chose not to pay for cable because I don't want to become a couch potato so we are dealing with a cheap antenna and crappy reception which usually leaves us with only channel 12, 15, 61 and sometimes 5 and 51. Pretty boring, eh?)

After about 15 minutes of channel surfing, I gave up. I happened to have workout clothes on (from my day of running around) and tennis shoes. (Another side note: my tennis shoes are expensive and good quality but they aren't PINK so I don't like to wear them often. My mom bought me pink shoelaces but let's be honest. Pink shoelaces don't make a shoe pink. Especially when the shoe is actually white and lavender. Ugh! I need me some PINK tennis shoes!!!) So I figured, what the heck?!?! I might as well do a few minutes of a dvd workout or whatever.

I popped in this dance/workout dvd. Ok, 50 lbs ago, I could've done it just fine. But at this plumpness, it was hella hard. I kept up for about 5 minutes and then when I couldn't breathe anymore (huffing and puffing like a fattie), I decided to do something slightly less intense. So I popped in a "Walk Off Your Belly Fat" dvd from the Walk Away The Pounds series. Leslie Sansone cracks me up. The lady talks through the entire dvd, every single one.  And sometimes she fumbles over her words. So I laugh because.... well... she's HUMAN! And it's funny! She's not perfect like so many of the other dvd hosts (or whatever you call them). She sweats. She gets major word vomit sometimes. She's real! She can be annoying sometimes... but she's real! Therefore, I feel like I'm working out in a REAL class with a REAL trainer and ultimately, I'm getting a REAL workout!

This was a boosted walk so there was some jogging, weight lifting (I always do heavier than her recommended 3-5 lbs weights) and the regular fast-temp side steps, knee lifts, back kicks, etc. My favorite thing about this particular dvd is that she had a countdown clock for each mile. Instead of me constantly peeking around the corner to see the kitchen clock, wondering how much longer until I'm done.... she put the clock right there on the screen so I know exactly how much longer I have! THANK YOU LESLIE!!!

I will tell you this. Walking is a great exercise. If you don't believe me, google it. It's one of the best exercises you can do for your body. Even better is when you pair it with resistance training. Again, google it. But here's the thing. You can't just walk and expect to lose a lot of weight. I'm not a registered dietician. I'm not a Doctor. And I'm certainly not a know-it-all. I am, however, someone who has done a lot of research. Like, enough research that I should be a friggin twig right now. I also have passed some pretty intense nutrition classes in college. I started out wanting to be a nutritionist and personal trainer. Then I figured, how could I possibly help other people get healthy when I'm sitting here over 300 lbs? Yah, not a good idea... yet. But I DO know a lot. And one thing I know very well is that walking isn't enough.

Any exercise, when balanced with a healthy diet is ideal. Right? Do we all agree? If you don't, GOOGLE IT!!! (Can you tell I'm addicted to google???) So, I am working hard on the food. I refuse to call it a "diet" because diets just set you up for failure. But I am working hard on my lifestyle change relating to food. And now, today, I began my fitness improvement as well. I know it is just one day at a time. So for today, I say: job well done, Miss Kat! 

For tomorrow, the last day of 2010 (where the HECK has the year gone???), I am anxious to see how the day goes. I am stuck at home as my car will be at the mechanic getting new brakes (no clue how I'm gonna pay for them!) so that means I have food at my fingertips all day but thanks to a recent shopping trip, it's all healthy food. As long as it doesn't rain tomorrow, Shorty and I will take a couple trips to the park to burn some extra calories (me, not him!) and enjoy the last day of 2010. The only thing I worry about is night. I know it's all about choices but I also know my family is notorious for making smelly, yummy, bad-for-you foods whenever there's a holiday. I will bring a few healthier alternatives but will need the extra prayer and positive reminders to stay away from the junk. I don't need it. And it's not good for me. The point is to improve, not do the same thing I always do.

In case I don't write beforehand.... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

Sunday, Sunday... See You Sunday!

So I just wanted to post a quick little blurb to let you know that, at least for a few weeks, I'll just be posting once weekly on... you guessed it... Sunday's. So be sure to check back each week. I'm sparing you daily reading but I'm guessing the once-weekly posts may be a bit longer. Anyway, until further notice, see you Sunday! :-)

~*~ Kat ~*~

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Nutritionist Visit

Yesterday, my Nutritionist came to my house for a visit. This was the first time meeting with this particular person. She was nice. Quiet... but nice! She spent the majority of the time asking me questions. First some basic ones: "how tall are you?" "how much do you weigh?" "who is your Doctor?" etc. Then nutrition-specific ones: "what do you typically eat for breakfast?" "what foods do you not like?" "what kind of help do you need from me?" "how many calories do you eat now?" etc. These questions went on for about 45 minutes.

Then the fun part. We talked about how many servings of each of the 5 food groups I need each day. She went over portion sizes with me (I already know this stuff but it was a great refresher!) and defined some nutrition terms.

Regarding Calories. I explained that, per the SSDDDC, I am at approximately 1780 calories. To spare some time, I let her know that I was already aware that my weight (323) times 10-12 (11, as an average) equals how many calories my body requires to just maintain. So roughly 3553. Assuming I eat under 1800 calories per day, which is half of what my body requires to "maintain", then I should lose 3.5 lbs per week. She agreed with that calculation... more or less. After all was said and done, she left my calories at 1800 per day and said we'll re-evaluate in 3 weeks.

Regarding Portion Sizes. I disagree with what she told me. Ok, first of all, she said, even as a vegetarian, the only protein I should have each day is equivalent to the size of my palm, minus my fingers. That means both the diameter and the thickness. My hands are not that big. That is basically just one veggie burger... for an entire day... and that's it for protein. I understand she's a Dietitian but I just passed a year of Nutrition classes in college and after much studying and research, I know that as a vegetarian, my protein needs are double that of a meat eating person. Plus the fact that I am a child-bearing age and haven't gone through menopause... protein is important!

The portion for carbohydrates, again for an entire day, is that of my fist. I know that is equivalent to a single portion size, but not for an entire day. Carbohydrates, when in WHOLE form, are the best source of energy. Carbs are not bad! Fruits and veggies I'm to only have 2 servings of each. That's tough because I enjoy a big, veggie-packed salad for dinner sometimes or an omelet with a cup or two of veggies for breakfast. And cheese/dairy, I'm to have 4 servings of per day. Wait! More dairy and less veggies??? This just doesn't seem right to me. I'm going to run that by my Nutrition Professor to see what she thinks.

Regarding Water. Now here's something I completely disagree with. She said "drink to thirst". When I asked for clarification, she said "drink when you're thirsty, don't when you're not. There's no requirement. No minimum. Just drink what and when you want." WRONG! Our bodies DO require water. At minimum, we should be drinking 8 8-ounce classes of water per day (64 ounces). AT MINIMUM! When I mentioned how much water I've been drinking on the SSDDDC, she said that it won't kill me, but that it's completely unnecessary. "Weight loss should be easy, not hard." To which I said "well if weight loss was easy, we'd all be skinny and there wouldn't be any fat people." She laughed and then looked at me like I was crazy!

I told her I plan to keep drinking the water as it's a) helped me to stay fuller all day and b) flushed out a lot of CRAP from my system. Though I've been hit hard with colds and infections ever since, I know from a nutrition perspective that it's because I am cleansing my body of toxins and built-up bacteria and so a lot of that crap is surfacing all at once. Once I finish my antibiotics, I'm certain that will be over with and the water will keep helping to flush the crap outta me!

Regarding Meals and Logging Food. Again, she reminded me that "weight loss should be easy, not hard". She had a worksheet for me to log my various foods each day and keep track of how many veggies, fruits, proteins, etc. I eat. I told her how I blog about what I eat and keep track of it that way. She said "oh no no no. That's a lot of work. Don't make this so difficult on yourself or you won't stick with it." I thought about that for a minute. It's blogging that's keeping me on track. I know when I have to write about my food/exercise choices, I'll get feedback. I don't like the negative comments so I try to make better choices to eliminate those. It's encouragement for me. It's motivation. It's inspiration. And it's accountability. Without blogging, as I discovered earlier this year, I go crazy with food and get lazy with exercise. It does me NO good.

So, I overall, I was underwhelmed by the appointment. I think the lady was nice and I'm sure she's done a great deal of good for some people. But I question if she's ever actually worked with a morbidly obese woman before. I asked for ways to eat for breast cancer prevention and PCOS maintenance and she had no idea what I was talking about. Her comments about the water and the blogging pretty much turned me off to hearing anything else she might have to say. I'm glad I didn't have to pay for her out-of-pocket (thank you, ghetto insurance, for covering this!) because I'd demand a refund. I learned a lot more from my year of nutrition classes than I did from this one-on-one appointment. Total bummer! Guess I need to stick to what I know and anything I don't know, I'll do what I do best.... RESEARCH IT!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! I hope you had a lovely day celebrating with your family and friends!

Here's how my day went. We didn't get to sleep last night until... well... this morning. Shorty was TOO excited for Santa to come that he couldn't calm down and sleep until about 12:30 this morning. I had some wrapping to do and had to lay all of "Santa's" stuff out so I was up till about 1:15 am.

Then around 4:00 this morning, there was a LOUD bang! I thought someone was breaking in. I was seriously freaked out. I quickly put on my glasses and held my phone in my had with my finger on the "9" just in case. I was staring at the bedroom door just waiting for someone to walk down my hall. After about 10 minutes of me almost peeing my pants, I got up really quick, closed and locked the bedroom door. Shorty just happened to be sleeping in with me so I felt we were both safe in there. 20 minutes went by and nothing. Then 30... and 40 minutes. I was driving myself crazy so I texted a friend that I knew was awake (he works graveyard shift). He helped calm me down. He said "if someone broke in a half hour ago, you'd know it by now. I'm sure it was just an outside noise."

Still, it kept me up till 5:30 this morning. I eventually fell asleep, with my door closed and locked, but woke up every hour after that. Then, at 7:35 am... SHORTY WOKE UP! I was exhausted and so was he. In fact, I practically had to convince him to roll out of bed to open presents! lol.

So anyway, zillions of presents and some Bible reading later, we went to my family's house. I had only 2 Hershey's kisses. There was TONS of candy there but I just was not craving it. Not after the last 2 nights I'd had.

Oh, side note... I don't think I've blogged completely about my emotional nights but here they are in a nutshell. So you remember my previous posts about being lonely around the holidays etc? Well, it's been a bit lonely and emotional these last couple nights. I've been sitting on the couch, all alone, watching Christmas movies... wishing I had someone to cuddle up with. blah, blah, blah. In the past, these emotional nights send me into a carb-coma. I go crazy and eat everything in sight... like somehow the food is going to make things better. These last 2 nights, while I haven't gone that extreme, I have definitely eaten more than I needed and haven't made the best choices. With all the holiday candy and treats around me, they were the easy targets for my emotional binges.

I SCREWED UP! I know that. I am so mad at myself for eating that crap! I have been so committed to this challenge and have seen great results and over the past 48 hours, I feel like I just threw that all away. In fact, I'm not sure if I'll be at a scale tomorrow so I went ahead and weighed in today... I maintained. I'm still at roughly 323 lbs. It's hella frustrating. I have done well this entire week and stuck to my calories, but in 48 hours of weakness, the hard work doesn't matter. My period is done. My cold is almost all gone (gotta love meds!!!). So I should have seen a big loss on the scale. But no. It was more important for me to scarf down that candy cane when no one was looking and eat a late night lean cuisine because I was "hungry" at midnight. It didn't help me then. It doesn't help me now.


So yah, I'm frustrated about that. I mean, I guess it's a good thing I didn't gain any weight. But still, maintaining weight isn't doing anything for me or my health. I need to lose it... and FAST!!! So I have 1 more week until this year is over and a new one begins. That's 1 week to focus 110% on eating right, exercising and drinking my water. Nothing else matters. I can't focus on my idiot ex husband or the bills I can't pay or the job I can't seem to find anywhere. Sure, those things are important, but they distract me from my goals.

It's really hard for me to stay on track when I'm home all day. At least when Shorty is in school, I'm running around all day so I'm keeping busy and my meals are pretty much planned. But when I'm home all day, I'm near the food all day. Temptation is everywhere. And when I'm bored, it's far too easy to reach for food instead of water.

I HATE BEING FAT!!!! This time next year, I want to be able to receive clothes as a Christmas present without having to worry about being to fat to wear them. I want to be able to resist all holiday treats because I don't want them, not because I "can't have them or I'll get fatter". I want to be able to strut my stuff at holiday parties instead of skipping them all because I'm too fat and don't have anything pretty to wear.

The majority of my fat life, I've been a 2x or size 22-24. Never any bigger. But these past 6 months, I've been a 3x or 4x, size 26-28. It's incredibly embarassing. Forget that. It's HUMILIATING.... going into a plus size store and being to big for their biggest size clothing. A few months ago I went to Fashion Bug (size 28 is the max) to get some jeans. Not a single pair fit me. Not the 28's. Not even the stretchy ones. Well, technically some of them fit me, but I had major camel-toe and indented rolls... not a pretty sight. Then tonight, as a gift, I got some gorgeous flannel pajama pants with BLING! They were a 3x... just tried them on and they don't fit up my ass. DISAPPOINTING!!!!

So, though it's been a perfect Christmas day, it's been an emotional and disappointing 48 hours. I'm ready for tomorrow to start because it's a new day with new chances to friggin' get back on track. I know what's important to me and I want it bad. I have to stop letting my emotions, my loneliness and my fear sabotage the hard work I've put in already for a better me!

How was your Christmas? How did you do around all the holiday sweets? Do you have any disappointments or frustrations from this week? Do share!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Just a quick post tonight. It's almost 9pm and I think I'm gonna actually try to get to bed early tonight!!!

Breakfast was a quick bite out: jack in the box crossaint with egg only... no cheese, no meat, no hasbrowns or drinks!!! Just water and the not-very-filling sandwich! 350 calories.

Lunch was a lean cuisine: 320 calories.

I snacked on some popcorn with Shorty while we watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

Dinner was another lean cuisine: 350 calories.

Pair that with 140 ounces of water, 10 ounces of orange juice, 16 ounces of watered down "lemonade"... and I still have a 22 ounce bottle of water to drink. Yep! I'm good to go.

Oh, I spoke to soon last night... as soon as I went to bed... I tasted metal. Darn antibiotics! haha. Oh well, whatever it takes to feel better!

Goodnight, my loves! Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wow! Is it really December 22nd already? Where has this year gone???

So here's how my day went. I woke up at 7, had a fight with the "snooze" button for about an hour. When I finally woke up, after clearing my nose from a whole-heck-of-a-lot of snot, I took a super fast shower, got Shorty up and hurried out the door for my Doctor appointment. Realizing I forgot to bring breakfast with us and hearing the "friendly" reminder from Shorty himself, we made a quick stop at Starbucks. I got me a bottle of water, a venti peppermint hot chocolate and a bacon gouda sandwich with no bacon. Shorty got the same, but in smaller portions.

I got to the doctor. First thing she did was weigh me in. This doctor, and her friendly staff, knows how hard I've been trying to find SOMETHING to help me lose weight despite my PCOS and whatever. They've seen my weight go up and up... they've actually been a part of many of my exercise sessions so they know how hard I have worked. Anyway, they were all so excited to see my weight has gone down on the scale for once! It was a great feeling. My weight loss isn't huge just yet but the fact remains that the numbers are going DOWN instead of up. I felt very proud to have them all recognize that!

Turns out I have some sort of an infection. She suspects pneumonia but since I'm totally paranoid about x-rays (radiation exposure), she put me on an antibiotic. I am gonna try this for a couple days and if I'm not getting any better, than I'll just suck it up and get an x-ray. The reason for my paranoia? Well my mom recently battled breast cancer and I've been told I'm now at high risk for it. I may end up doing the genetic testing to see if I do have the genes for it. But until then, I'm doing everything I can to improve my lifestyle and limit my exposure to radiation.

So anyway, I went to pick up my prescription and the Pharmacist goes "I hope you enjoy the taste of metal. That's all you'll be tasting for the next 10 days." What? Yay me! haha. Apparently this medication is going to leave a metal taste in my mouth. I took my first pill 2 hours ago and (knock on wood!!) no metal taste so far! I totally plan to defy her predicition!

Then Shorty and I ran a few errands and ended up at my Mom's office. We waited until she was ready and then walked a mile to lunch. I told her I wasn't feeling too good today and wasn't hungry. She, being the MOM, insisted I eat something. So I had a half of a salad. I got some black beans on the otherwise lettuce-and-cabbage salad for some protein. I can honestly say I didn't taste a single bite of that salad. All I tasted was MUCUS! Ick! Then we walked the mile back to Mom's office and hung out there for a bit.

Shorty and I went home for a nap. We ended up sleeping almost 3 hours. I'm trying to get rid of my cold and I think he's just now developing it. We both needed the sleep for sure! We woke up, had a totally lazy evening of watching tv on the couch in our jammies.

Side note: Nothing from the jerk upstairs. Thank GOD! I was expecting total hell from him last night, as he promised, but it appears the little wifey was able to calm him down!!!

Anyway, I've had plenty of water to drink today. And about 40 ounces of watered down hot chocolate (only 2 packets worth, 80 calories each). Breakfast was the meatless sandwich @ Starbucks with the peppermint hot chocolate (watered down). Lunch was a half a salad with black beans. Dinner was some leftover enchilada thing my mom made. I haven't grocery shopped in 2 weeks so it's about all I could find. Again, couldn't taste anything but I know it was about 350 calories as my mom pre-measured it for me and already counted everything in it.

I'm falling asleep while typing this so I'm gonna head to bed. I haven't been getting much sleep at night. Worrying too much, I think. But I know adequate sleep is essential for weight loss and overall health so I'm trying to be more conscious of it. But oh my gosh, I swear I look at the clock at around 7 pm and think Ok, I'm just gonna update my blog, check email and scope out Facebook real quick. Then, before I know it, I'm reading my Bible and see the clock saying 11:59 pm. Geesh! Suggestions?????

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

December 21, 2010

Oh my gosh! What a day.

I'm still sick... not fun. I woke up and all I could think about was water. So I went to the fridge and remembered I only had a half-gallon left. So shorty and I got dressed, ran to Walgreens and got water and four (yes FOUR) movies to watch today from the Redbox machine. (Which, by the way, you can get a free rental by using the code "DVDONME" when you rent from a redbox. I have no idea when it expires but it's worth a try!)

So anyway, we hurried home so I could put back on my jammies and lay down on the couch. Mini-me made Mommie some hot chocolate (or... uh... COLD chocolate.... but "A" for effort!!) and I laid down to watch "Easy A". As a Christian, I found that movie semi-offensive, but as a totally witty young woman who's been an outcast for the majority of my life, I LOVED IT!!! Great movie!

A frozen meal and gallon of water later, I watched "Step Up 3" and "The Karate Kid" with shorty. He was practicing his hip hop moves during the first movie and his karate during the second movie. So much fun! That kid needs a dad... someone to be rough with!

Anyway, so we took a couple breaks today to go outside. I didn't have energy to do much of anything (between puking and nose blowing and coughing my lungs up) so I sat on the stairs out front while he played.

Ok, side note. We're in an apartment. Our next door neighbor just moved out and after several fights (with his "homies"), arrests and things broken, I'm glad he's gone. It's relatively quiet now. But my upstairs neighbors are not quiet people. As best as I can tell, in a 2 bedroom apartment, they have an elderly couple, a younger couple and a baby. They are all "small-ish" people but they sound like 500 lb elephants. They are NOISY. But I have never complained... not once! In fact, I've made them cookies and cupcakes always great them with a friendly "hi" in passing. I'm the greatest neighbor. I swear!

So tonight, my darling was outside practicing his kung fu while I was sitting on the stairs. He'd occasionally hit the rail of the stairs with his foot but it wasn't a big deal. All of a sudden the younger gal comes outside snapping at me saying "your kid is keeping my kid awake. Stop running up and down the stairs". Ummm. Ok. So I asked my son to not go up the stairs anymore tonight. SO anyway, I'm sitting there, he's playing... not bothering anyone and then... oh my gosh! The husband came out and started YELLING at me to control my child. He was going on about how he just got out of the military so I interrupted him and said "thank you so much for serving our Country. That's awesome!" He goes "I don't even care about that. I care about your kid keeping my kid awake".

So I politely explained that my son would be done playing in about 5 minutes. He went in his home and slammed the door. Then, I kid you not, not even a whole minute later he comes back out yelling at me some more. "What you're doing is incredibly disrespectful. My wife asked you nicely to stop and you're just being rude". I said "honey. Don't talk to me about rude. Every night for the last 3 months I have not been able to sleep until the early hours of the morning while you and your 'wife' are doing God knows what right above me. You are not quiet people and I have never complained to you about it. So if my son wants to play outside for 5 minutes, then darlin', he's gonna play. Goodnight." He got all pissed off and said "I'm calling the cops".

Oh my gosh! Seriously?!!?! What has this world come to? A child can't play outside without someone threatening to call the cops? My child is seriously the best behaved child you'd ever meet. People stop us all the time to compliment him and ask me what my secret is. I love it! So believe me when I say he was playing quietly, respectfully and I didn't, for one second, think he was being noisy in the least bit.

So anyway, this dude came out one last time to say "I hope you enjoy your night. I'm going to make it hell for you." I don't know about you, but I take that as a threat. Right? I called the front office to see what the deal is with this guy and they were flabbergasted. The gal I spoke to said "I don't know what's going on but I will tell you this; I do not tolerate people yelling at or in front of children. I'm going to call him and tell him what's up!" haha. I don't know if she ended up calling him or not but here's the thing, I pay rent, too! And if my darling, quiet child wants to play outside, then he's gonna play outside. Dammit! How dare you tell me my son is disturbing your baby's sleep... especially when you're the very people keeping ME awake every night!!!

Ok, I feel better now. Just had to get that off my chest! So in conclusion, I've had about a gallon of water, 32 ounces of hot chocolate, 12 ounces of broth, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (by chef shorty), a frozen lean cuisine for breakfast and a smart one for dinner. A totally BLAH day but that's how I feel.

I'm off to pop some NyQuil and get my plump booty to bed. I hope you've all had a wonderful Tuesday. Tomorrow is a new day so if you had a crap day like me today, it's OK. We'll start all over tomorrow and make it better than today! "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent!" That's right, Mister Upstairs JERK!!! :-)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

I woke up this morning sick again. BOOO!!!! I felt much worse today than I did last week when I was sick. I don't know if I got this double whammy because of being around the kiddos at school so much these last few weeks or from my body adjusting to lots of water and no fast food or from germs hiding in my otherwise germ-free home. However it came to be, BOO! I hate not feeling good. It makes getting through the day that much harder.

(Side note: weigh-in was yesterday. I maintained my weight. On Friday I was up .6 lbs but yesterday I was right back at 322.4... so I'm disappointed that the scale didn't go DOWN, especially with all the water I've been drinking and calories I'm not eating. But I'm also sick and on my period and according to my nutritionist, that makes a difference. Therefore, next week better be another BIG number... like 7-10 lbs or so!)

So I woke up and drank 16 ounces of water. Had a hard time swallowing it with that frog consuming the majority of my throat! I slugglishly walked myself out to the couch where I plopped my large booty for the remainder of the day. Around 9:30, I mustered up the strength to get up and make breakfast. We had mini cinnamon bagels (100 calories each) with a little "I can't believe it's not butter" spray (0 calories) and nutella. Mini-me loved his... mine had absolutely zero flavor for me. In fact, I almost threw it back up. Ick!

Followed that with more water. 33.8 ounces to be exact. Then I made some tea... thinking that would feel good on my throat. Wrong! It burned. But there was another 16 ounces. Then I got about half way through another 33.8 ounce water bottle when shorty was "starving" and wanted lunch. I must have known today was gonna be "one of those days" because yesterday, I prepared a casserole and put in the fridge for one day this week. So I popped that in the oven for a half hour and vuah-lah! Lunch! It was whole wheat pasta, organic tomato sauce, fresh garlic and basil, fat free ricotta cheese and a little mozzarella cheese on top!

Then I went back to sleep on the couch. By that time my head was throbbing so bad I was in tears. Shorty took a movie in my room and watched it on his bed... which is in my room temporarily. (He's at that "nightmare" phase.) He ended up falling asleep watching the movie so I came in and laid on my bed and fell asleep, too! Not before drinking another 20 ounces of water, of course!

So dishes are piled high in my sink. There's a garbage can full of used tissues. There's laundry to be done, groceries to be bought and now my m-power electricity machine is beeping at me that I need to purchase more electricity tomorrow. Now I have to get better since I have so much to do tomorrow.

Wednesday night I have a big meeting with a super awesome charity I'm a part of. I'm so excited. They asked me to join them to help fundraise because, well, I'm awesome at it. I really enjoy charity work! So we are going to talk about a couple functions I'm planning and see if there's a way for my mom to get involved. This particular organization deals with people affected by cancer and my mom is a 1-year breast cancer survivor. This organization really helped her through her battle so she wants to give back!

Anyway, I hear the pillow calling my name again. Oh and nose is dripping again. Gotta go blow it! But I'll leave you with this: this week of our Lord Jesus' birth, take time to remember what is truly important in life. Count your blessings and remember that each and every one of them comes from the very Maker of our world. Thank you, God, for the blessing of your son!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Another Crazy Night In Scaryville

We had quite the eventful evening last night.

Well, before all the scariness, we spent a couple hours with my Mom looking at Christmas lights. We drove all over and found some pretty rad houses! Then we went by one of her friends' houses. This lady is addicted to Santa and has over 10,000 santa's on display in her home. She opens her home up for anyone to come see the display and serves food and alcohol for the visitors. Then she has a table where you can guess how many Santa's there are. If you guess right, or close, you get a prize. Mini-me had a blast trying to count them all... his guess: 4400. hahaha. Totally random, but great guess for a 5 year old. Ma and I each guessed in the 5,000's and we were told our guesses were "way low". Geesh! Way too many to count!!! But it was fun.

Then we took a Starbucks break where a super hot, and super friendly, dude made us some yummy peppermint hot chocolate. My munchkin' asked, very bravely I might add, for some chocolate chips and whipped cream on top. I ordered a Venti (the BIG one) and 2 extra cups so we could all split it. What did this gorgeous dude do? Well he filled each of the cups up with whipped cream and chocolate chips... not just my son's. Then he..... get this.... WINKED at me!!!! *blushing* I'm not kidding, folks. This dude was HOT!!! And when he asked what my son's name was (so he could write it on the cup), he said his brother has the same name. So we shared a little giggle over that. Yah. It just doesn't take much to rock my night! :-)

So we dropped Ma off. Said goodnight and headed home. We only live about 7 minutes from my mom so the drive was short. But just in that short drive, we passed 10 police cars. It was freaking me out a bit. Then a fire engine. 2 ambulences. 2 more cop cars. 3 more. And a police SUV. TRIPPY!!!! So I got us in the home as quick as possible and in the short, I mean very short, walk from the car, we heard 3 more sets of sirens.

I got in a realized we didn't get water while we were out. We only had one 12 ounce bottle left... with as much water as I was drinking, this seriously freaked me out. We have a water machine in the courtyard here so I was getting shorty ready to head out and fill up a jug with water. I haven't tried that water before. I'm VERY picky about my water so I was nervous about trying it. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

So anyway, as he was getting his shoes on, I realized one of our patio decorations had fallen over. So I went outside to fix it and was almost blinded by the light of a hovering helicopter. I've never seen a helicopter that close to a building before. It was announcing to the "citizens" (over the speaker) that 3 armed and extremely dangerous men were on the loose in our neighborhood and to stay inside with the doors locked.


So needless to say, I didn't get my water after all. I told shorty to take his shoes off and lay on the couch with me to watch a movie. I texted my family (since they all live nearby) to let them know to stay inside. And then I faked a potty trip so I could sneak into my room and call the police. They confirmed that these men were spotted in my neighborhood and to stay inside with the doors locked. "Don't answer the door for anyone, ma'am. These men are dangerous."


So I was scared but had to be a brave Mommie and not let my little man know I was scared. I sat next to him on the couch and watched a movie. I have no idea what was happening in the movie, even though I was staring right at it, because I just kept thinking I was hearing those men. I held both my phones in my hand with my finger on the number 9 in case I had to quickly dial 911.

I heard that helicopter hover for over 2 hours!

Then, as I was falling asleep, I noticed I didn't hear it anymore. I called the police to see if they had made any progress and... HALLELUJAH! They caught all 3 men! Phew! I was worried for a little bit and thought I wouldn't be getting any sleep at all. There's no way I could sleep knowing 3 dangerous men could be in my neighborhood.

So that brings us to about 12:45 am. I spent about a half hour reading the Bible and getting ready for bed. All the while, I was parched. I drank all but 2 ounces of that water bottle... just in case shorty woke up thirsty during the night. I did find a bottle of Gatorade in the pantry so I drank most of that, too. But after all this water I've been drinking, to then be without... oh my gosh! Not fun at all. First thing this morning, we went and got water. And I drank and drank and drank. I'm almost re-hydrated but... as we speak.... I'm drinking more! Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!

Happy Sunday, friends. I hope you're having a great day!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Holiday Daze

Oh my goodness. It's been a crazy busy couple of days. 'Tis the season, I suppose. From the patio decorating contest (which I, sadly, didn't win), cookie exchange parties, the holiday musical at my son's school today, other school parties, family parties, the women's dessert at church and finishing up the hand-made presents for family and friends, it's been go go go this past week. But I love it, I really do! I enjoy keeping busy... especially with holiday activities.

[Boys: skip this paragraph.] Yesterday I got my period. For any other girl, this sux. BUT, I have only had about 5 periods in the last 5 years. Sure, you might say "lucky!" but when I do get it, it's extremely painful. I'm insanely emotional (thus my last blog post), craving sugar and junk food with a passion, bloated, cranky, tired, etc. It ruins me for the week I have it. Needless to say, I'm nervous for my weigh-in this week. Between cramps and bloating and the overall BLAH feeling, I don't know what to expect. I haven't gone crazy eating all the junk in sight like I normally do so that's good. I just feel super huge right now.

Anyway, so since I won't be able to weigh-in before 6pm EST (per ALLAN'S request), I will either be weighing in tonight or tomorrow as I'll be at my Mom's house. WISH ME LUCK!!!! I've counted calories. I've drank the water. I've made good food choices... even when I had meals outside the home. I've turned down meal-out invitations. I've watched myself at parties and counted every morsel of food that passed my lips. I just, like I said, feel HUGE right now. HugeER than normal. Yah, being bloated does that!

I'm about to take a nap with my munchkin. I shared my bed last night with about 5 loads of laundry. I was just NOT in the mood yesterday to fold it and put it away. Between that and the cramps, I didn't get much sleep. So I'm hella tired. We have a Christmas-movie-and-popcorn-night at my Moms tonight so I wanted to be rested and in a good mood. I can't believe it's 8 days until Christmas. What a BEAUTIFUL time of year!!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Lonliness, Emotions, Food Addiction... And Now It's Time For Bed!

Today has been the laziest, most unproductive day ever.... but I feel rested and rejuvenated.

I've really been struggling, emotionally, these last few weeks. It's hard being a single mom. But even more so at the holidays. To add to the emotions, my son has been asking a lot about his dad and it's killed me... literally killed me... to have to answer his questions. I'm spending a lot of extra time in prayer and reading my Bible which definitely helps. I just can't help myself watching a Christmas movie or commercial and crying like a big ol' baby. I miss having a hubby to buy presents for. I miss watching the jewlery commercials and wondering which luscious piece of BLING I was gonna find under the tree Christmas morning. I miss snuggling up in bed on a cold(ish) winter night. I miss having a date for holiday parties. I MISS IT ALL!!!!

But I'll tell ya what I don't miss. I don't miss the name calling. I don't miss hiding under long sleeves so no one can see my bruises. I don't miss sleeping with a knife under my bed "just in case". I don't miss being beaten and raped by my husband. I don't miss the psychological games that were played. I don't miss feeling stuck in my own life, like I'll never do better than this. That I do NOT miss.

So quite honestly, I know I'm better off now. I just feel so lonely sometimes. From a psychological standpoint, and through many counseling sessions, I know I have treated food as a comfort. Why? I have no idea. I guess I didn't use the "other" drugs because I thought those were so much worse. I didn't want to be the single mom who was on drugs and had her child taken from her. So I ate. And I ate... and ate... and ate. I remember when my marriage got really bad, I'd stay awake all night and eat. I had to stay awake to make sure nothing happened to my kids while I was sleeping.

And then in the morning, I'd get yelled at for eating all the food. I was told I couldn't have any money to get groceries and would have to "starve". So I'd find a way to get money from our account, buy way more food than we needed and stuff my face. Kinda like I'LL SHOW YOU!!! And this cycle went on and on and on. I tried so many times to leave. I had no where to go... literally. All the shelters were full, friends turned me down, the church I was going to turned me down (after they insisted I stay with my violent husband and "work it out") and my family wasn't thrilled about taking me in. To this day, they still give my crap about coming home so many times.

So anyway, I saved every penny I could. I went through a phase where I wasn't eating much. I was making myself sick by not eating much just so I could save money to move out... or at least stay in a hotel for a week or SOMETHING! I just wanted to be safe. He'd give me an allowance for diapers, formula, etc. I had to give him a receipt. But I'd buy some things for my friends... things that we used too... and the friends would give me cash for it. I sold some things online without him knowing. And literally the night I decided I had enough... HE FOUND IT! He went postal. Destroyed everything in our room. Threw the bed and nightstand at me (oy! That hurt!). Broke picture frames. Pinned me down and took my wedding ring from me. CRAZY!!!!!

I'm gonna stop right there.

I am happy to share the rest of the story some other time. I think everyone should hear it because I was that person who said "oh no. That would never happen to me. If my husband ever hit me I'd be gone." But let me tell you, it's not that easy. Until you go through something like that, YOU DON"T KNOW!!!!

I brought that up only to say, that is where my food addiction came into play. Before my nasty marriage, I was "thick". But not in an unhealthy way. During my marriage I gained about 80 lbs. Then I gained about 25 more from my divorce and another 25 from the post-divorce chaos. I'm tired of seeing the scale go up and up... and that's why I'm finally doing something about it. Every day I resist a cookie or force myself to drink an extra bottle of water, I relive the emotions that caused me to get to this point.

Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just give up. Just let myself die from fatness or whatever. But then I look at this gorgeous little boy I've been blessed with and remember just how much God loves me. He knew I would too easily give up. He knew how defeated I would feel after what I'd been through. And He knew that my only hope for living again was to give me another human being to be responsible for. Man! I seriously thank God for that blessing each and every day.

And that is what I try to focus on when I'm going through this internal battle over food and emotions and loneliness.... I get a second chance and everything! I have this little boy that I get to raise into an incredible man and teach him the right way to treat a woman. I may not get a prince charming but I get to be responsible for creating some other girl's prince charming. That's a pretty special gift. Better than any piece of BLING under the Christmas tree, if you ask me!

My First Award

Thank you so much Gertie (@ Losing My Jelly Belly.... One Bean At A Time) for my first award! Apparently you enjoy my blog and the fact I'm "rocking the Spawn challenge" to which I humbly say, "THANK YOU!!!!"

In turn, I need to pass this award on to 5 blogs I enjoy! Here are the award recipients:

VEGAN CHICK PEA because, well, we have a history. This girl seriously ROCKS!!!! She's been a huge support for me through my journey. I know we'll both reach our goal weights and one day, we'll get together for a skinny person party!!!

ALMOST GASTRIC BYPASS - the man who has given me the tools to become successful in weight loss and who cares enough about me (and all his other "followers") to tell it like it is!

IT'S NOT A DIET, IT'S A WEIGH OF LIFE - this girl lost almost as much as I did this week. WOO-HOO! She's doing great! Definitely an inspiration!!!

MARCY'S WEIGHT LOSS - I've followed her blog for a while. Definitely an inspiration! Look at how gorgeous she is!!! :-)

LOSING IT WITH RAYCH - Another person who tells it like it is. Fat people need to hear the truth... un-sugar coated!!! Great job, Raych!

So there you have it. If you aren't already following these blogs, please do so. They are all inspiring, entertaining and at times, emotional. Keep up the good work everyone! Let's inspire a healthy nation! :-)

Day 7 of SSDDD Challenge

I'm hungry this morning. For a brief moment of time, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I ate really good this week, drank a lot and lost 7.6 lbs. That's GREAT! But I worked hard on it. And now I'm thinking Ugh! I have to do that again? And again and again? I know it's lack of self-control that got me here and it's gonna take a LOT of self-control to get me back. But for the past 5 minutes, I've been sulking about it.

Anyway, moving on. My munchkin is home sick today which means a day that I'm home all day. Those days make me nervous... especially with a counter full of cookies from last nights' cookie exchange. But I've convinced myself I don't want to try any of them because I don't know how sanitary people's kitchens were when they baked 'em. I'm a bit of a germ freak so the thought of someone using dirty hands or sneezing on my food just grosses me out. In fact, that's why I don't eat out much. It's a really gross thought!

I look in the mirror and don't see any changes. You'd think losing almost 8 lbs there would be some difference. But than again, on a 320+ lb person, 8 pounds isn't that big of a deal. My hope and prayer is just that the droppage of weight stays consistent. I need this! And yah, it may be a lot of work and some times of much hunger, but the end result will be worth it.

So I just got my new numbers for the week. Well, not really new because the numbers stayed the same. But anyway, since I'm eating "at goal", then I need to consume 188 ounces of water each day to accompany my daily caloric intake of 1,760. And just so you know, those are my numbers. Please don't copy my numbers because those are specially calculated for me. Each person is different. If you want to get your own numbers and join in the next phase of this challenge in January, head on over to ALLAN's blog and sign up with him. It's a lot of work.... but what lifestyle change isn't?!?!

My plan for the day is to clean my entire apartment. We have a friend coming to spend the night Wednesday after our Christmas dessert at church. I want to make sure everything is clean and orderly when she comes over and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, so might as well get it done today! Eating wise, I'm gonna go make myself a breakfast quesedilla with some hot chocolate. Lunch will probably be a lean cuisine and a salad. Dinner will probably be a black bean burger on a whole wheat bun and some broth/soup.

Have a happy Monday!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

1st Weigh In

Drum roll please....

I am down 7.6 lbs in 5 1/2 days!!!! WOO-HOO!!!! Granted, a big part of it could be the water weight or just starting something new. But I am totally committed to this and plan to see good results every week! :-)

Weigh-In Day / Temptation

So today is weigh-in day... my first weigh in since beginning the challenge. I don't have a scale yet and can't afford to buy one so I've been using my mom's I'll be heading over there in a couple hours so I'll weigh myself and post the results ASAP.

In the meantime, check out what I've been doing all day:

I'm hosting a GIRLS-ONLY COOKIE EXCHANGE tonight.... so I've been baking all day. Rice krispie treats (made by me and my munchkin) and then different holiday chocolate chip cookies. I did have one cookie because, well, it broke. And I knew if I didn't try one then I would end up scarfing some down later. Deprivation is a huge key to overeating. It's ok to enjoy certain things if you absolutely, truly want them... but MODERATION IS KEY!

I know there are some die-hard diet advocates out there (Ahem! ALLAN) that would disagree with me. I mean, don't get me wrong. Sweets are what got us fat. But from a psychological standpoint (my area of expertise) when you deprive yourself of something, especially when you're at a social gathering and everyone else is stuffing their faces, the very second you are behind a closed door you'll go crazy. Chances are you'll eat not only one cookie, or two or three, but a whole dozen! It's far less calories to take a "sample" of something, savor a bite or two, and feel satisfied with that.

So anyway, I was getting really hungry while I was baking. Then I realized I hadn't had lunch yet. So I got some supplies out and made a "pizza".

Whole grain tortillas, 1/4 c. (less, actually) pizza sauce and 2 light string cheeses. It was extremely yummy and I finally found a pizza that I can eat without guilt. The tortilla was 150 calories, sauce was 30 calories and both cheeses were 120 calories together for a grand total of 300 calories. For me, it's a bit low. But I also added the cookie I ate into the equation so my lunch was roughly 400 calories. Not too shabby!

Well that's all I have for now. I need to get a quick rest in before I have to get up and clean, bag all the cookies, get us both ready for tonight, fix a quick dinner (my li'l chef has requested the tortilla pizza!!!) and get my booty over to Mom's house for a weigh-in. Wish me luck!!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Full Food Log For Today

Breakfast- Grilled cheese! (400 calories) and pumpkin spice drink (130 calories)

Lunch- PB&J on whole grain bread and an apple. Oh, and I did have 1 hershey's kiss. (approx 400 calories)

Snack- 2 light string cheeses (120 calories), 4 triscuts (40 calories) and 10 ounces of broth (10 calories) = 170 calories

2nd Snack/1st Dinner- 10 ounces of broth before dinner. (10 calories) 1 whole grain tortilla (120 calories) w/ 2 tbsp. peanut butter (180 calories)

2nd Dinner- 2 1/2 slices of a small cheese pizza.(400 calories)

Shameful Snack- remaining 1 1/2 slices of pizza (240 calories)

Total Calories For The Day: 2,050

I am so PISSED at myself for eating that last 1 1/2 pieces of pizza. I realize that after one week, I am so not strong enough to resist temptation. Pizza is my weakness. I should have known better than to go out. And I think I did ok with the 2 1/2 pieces... but then my mom insisted I take home the leftovers (2 1/2 slices) so my son could have it tomorrow. She played the guilt trip of "I bought that pizza for you guys... don't waste it!"  So I took it. I hid it in the car so I wouldn't be tempted by it but then when my son said he was hungry while we were driving around looking at lights, I gave him a piece and that was it. I ate the other one... and couldn't leave a half a piece behind. Right?  


I know complete transformation doesn't happen overnight. I get that. But I have done so good this week and I'm just really irritated with myself right now. I mean, in all fairness, 2,050 is still way less than I've been eating. It's still an OK amount. And I don't think I'm too worries with that... it's just what I ate. I think my choices during the day were ok. But that pizza?!?! Oy-vey. Not cool.

What do you think, tho... next time, if I just stick to 2 pieces, does that sound ok? I know I have to be strong enough to say NO to a 3rd piece. And really, I don't think I wanted it. It's just because it was there... and we were all chatting and everyone else was eating a 3rd and 4th and 5th piece, etc. But if I can stick to 2 pieces, every once in a while, then I think that's ok. It's still enjoying food out with friends and family but not going crazy. Right???

I guess the one good thing is that I've certainly had enough to drink today. I have a pretty pink 22 ounce water bottle that I've filled up 6 times... plus 20 ounces of broth... and 12 ounces of pumpkin spice.  I'm sure I'll drink one more full water bottle (22 ounces) before bed! That's a total of 186 ounces today... if I did my math right!

UGH! Why is it sooooo easy to GAIN the weight but SO MUCH HARDER to lose it? It's just not fair. I want to be able to enjoy a meal out with family and friends without having to worry about my meal making me gain weight or move up to the next size bigger clothing. But the reality is, I can't. I ate my way to this disgusting weight and now I have to work hard on going back to a healthy weight. I really hate that I let myself get this big and I hate that this is something I have to even talk about.

But in the scope of the big picture, I know this is just a slip up. It's gonna happen. Just like an addict of any other drug, there's temptations and occasional slip-ups. The important thing is going to be learning from this and making sure it doesn't happen again.

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be where you've always been."

That's what I don't want to happen. I don't want to make a mistake and then make it again. I want to learn from it and make the changes necessary so it doesn't happen again. Make sense?

Alright, I guess I'm done beating myself up for one night. On to better choices tomorrow....

Friday, December 10, 2010

Today has gone by really fast. Not quite sure why. We woke up on time today but someone was "sooooo tired" and wanted to "stay in bed all day long"! Like the tired Momma I was, I agreed. I mean, who wouldn't wanna stay in bed all day? Only... he got out of bed about 20 minutes later and has been bouncing off the walls ever since. Go figure!

Anyway, we've been able to get a lot of our Christmas crafts done today. I figured since we don't have extra money this year, we're gonna make presents for our friends and family. So we've been working hard since the middle of November to make all these gifts. Coasters, ornaments, wreaths, hand-made Christmas cards, etc.

Then there's the treats. I, hand-to-God, have not had a single one of the treats I've made... yet. I don't want to deprive myself but I haven't yet had that indulgent urge just yet. We have a cookie exchange Sunday night so I'm sure I'll have a cookie then.. but I'll plan for it and budget the calories.

My Food Today:

Breakfast- Thanks to Vegan Chick Pea, I woke up craving grilled cheese. I asked mini-me what he wanted for breakfast and he, surprisingly, said "grilled cheese please!" so that was it. Grilled cheese for us both! (400 calories)

Lunch- PB&J on whole grain bread and an apple. Oh, and I did have 1 hershey's kiss. (approx 400 calories)

Snack- 2 light string cheeses (120 calories), 4 triscuts (40 calories) and 10 ounces of broth (10 calories) = 170 calories

Dinner- Yet to be determined. My parents are taking my son to dinner at Peter Piper Pizza since I have to take a test but they invited me to join them when I'm done. Normally I would go, eat a personal cheese pizza and 1 - 2 orders of breadsticks (sooooo yummy! but 119 calories PER STICK!!!). But I'm at the beginning of a challenge so that's not gonna happen. I might just resist the temptation all together by not going over there when I'm done. Just have them bring my son home when they're done. Then I can eat a PB&J or veggie burger and broccoli without the smelly temptation of greasy pizza and breadsticks.

However, if I happen to go there, I won't have more than just the personal pizza (roughly 450 calories) and skip the breadsticks. I can always have some broccoli when I get home.

Anyway, that's my day thus far. Me and the short man took the garbage out and went for a walk together. We're probably gonna do a workout DVD that was sent to us by Vegan Chick Pea earlier this year. We've had a lot of fun with it and I think that's just the thing we need today!

Any exciting plans for the weekend? How about those of you on Allan's challenge... what are your plans to stay on the challenge during the weekend????

Thursday, December 9, 2010

42 Generations Later... And, Uhh, Sleep Stuff

So I was reading the book of Matthew last night. Before each book of the Bible, my Bible has a little intro with background as to the writer, who the intended audience was and the time frame in which it was written. Pretty darn spiffy if you ask me. So anyway, the very first words in the Book of Matthew are all the names of fathers who had certain sons.

Anyway, from Abraham to David to Jesus, there were 42 generations. I don't know why that struck a fancy with me but I'm just in awe over the fact that for 42 generations, men lived and died and all along, they were a part of bringing Jesus into the world. Makes me really think about us now and what great story we are a part of. I don't know... it's just had me thinking a lot.

God is so amazing and even in the midst of chaos and whatever else, it's completely amazing to know that it's all a part of His plan... part of the bigger picture and ultimately, just a small piece of the puzzle. My life could be a stepping stone to something bigger than I could ever imagine. You just never know! Wow! Gives me chills just thinking about it! HOW EXCITING!!!

So anyway, I've been deep in thought about that today. Just the idea that I am a part of something bigger and greater than my own little woes and worries. And even though I'm struggling with not having money right now, I don't worry. I know that God is a God of provision. He will meet every one of my needs... He knew them before I did and already has a Plan. I tell ya, it's been a great day. I'm at such peace and it's a GREAT feeling. Praising God in the hard times is not easy but oh my gosh, it's completely invigorating!

Onto Allan's challenge... I did not drink all my water today. And I didn't write down my food (though I remember it all) as I was out and about all day and quite honestly, my head wasn't in it today. Not to say that I went all crazy or anything... it just wasn't my #1 priority today. God was.

My food went like this:

Breakfast - Subway. I was super hungry so I ordered a footlong egg & cheese on wheat sub, with spinach and salt & pepper... but I only ended up eating half of it. I'm pissed that I wasted half of a sandwich but I was honestly quite full. The water is definitely helping! Woo-hoo!

Lunch - Soy meat, black beans and 2% cheese between 4 small corn tortillas with salsa and a "dollop" of light sour cream on top.

Dinner - Basically the same thing as lunch, but burrito style. Plus 16 ounces of pumpkin spice latte... the mix was one serving but I watered it down.

I need to get back to snacking during the day. I honestly wasn't very hungry... but I need the snacking to keep my blood sugar normal so I don't get headaches and whatever!

I've had almost 4 liters today with the latte so not too shabby I guess. I have had heartburn the last couple days. It could be from the soy meat since it had taco seasoning on it. Or maybe it's from the salsa. Or the extra water? I dunno. Other than that, I feel pretty darn good.

I get really bummed on the exercise front. I love to walk and jog. I just can't right now because it hurts too much. Like, in tears too much. I've never really been a fan of lifting weights... although I love feeling strong and sexy. I know I need to get back to doing that. These bat wings have got to go! I do better when I have a fitness buddy... it's too easy for me to find an excuse why I can't exercise or why I have to cut it short.

Living alone sux. Well, I'm not completely alone... and I know mini-me wold love it if we went to the gym every day. Bless his heart... he's an active boy. I should be more like him! I, on the other hand, feel so preoccupied with a million other things that exercise ends up at the bottom of my list. I'd love to do it first thing in the morning but lately I've been waking up late. In fact, we've been late to school every day for the last two weeks. It's hard living a half-hour away. And I've been up till the wee hours of the morning working on homework, job searching, etc. I go to bed and my mind is racing. I read my Bible before bed every night and it calms me down some, but then I think a lot about soul-searching type things.

I should really go to bed when my munchkin goes to bed... that way I'd be well rested in the morning and able to "find" time to exercise. Sleep is such an important part of weight loss and overall health. I've studied nutrition in college... I know this stuff. But it's so much easier to blog about it and tell other people about it than to do it myself. Why? Grr!!!!

Anyway, it's about 11:30 pm. I'm gonna try and get to bed now. Well, after I read my Bible, of course! I know all I can do is take just one day at a time. But I want to truly make the best of each day. So, for tomorrow, no matter how tired or sick I may feel, I am going to get some exercise in. Better yet, I'm gonna do something with my little Angel... the family that exercises together, ummm... lives together? Er uh, lives healthily together?! I dunno. But you get the picture. So yah, family exercise tomorrow... and then I have my finals tomorrow night so wish me luck! That'll give me a nice little break for a couple of weeks... no school, no late night homework. Woo-hoo!

Hope you had a great Thursday!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hacking Cough, "Daddy" Talk & Other Mumbo Jumbo

First Issue Today: My dang cough. I was coughing all through the night... not a real cough. It was one of those super dry, super scratchy coughs that the harder you cough, the more you cough. It just doesn't go away. So I drank a lot of water to help but it just made me pee more. Therefore, not much sleep was had by me. Grrr! Then it's stuck with me all day and, gosh dang it, I think it's gonna be with me tonight, too!

Second Issue: Mini-me wanted a "daddy talk" today. We looked through old pictures of the bastard. I had to plaster on a happy face and tell him happy memories and all that crap. Oh my gosh! I wish I could tell him the truth. Your dad is a scumbag. He's a liar, a criminal and a bad person. He beats women and children and then takes all their money. Oh, and by the way, he never wanted you to be born. In fact, he did everything in his power to prevent it. But instead, I could only talk about the (literally) 3 or 4 good memories I have of him and the couple of pix that document 'em.

Mumbo Jumbo: So I've only had 3 1/2 liters of water today. I'm trying to finish my last liter before bed... although, I did have about 16 ounces of hot chocolate. So crap! Nevermind. I guess I'm doing ok on that.

I am definitely ready for changes to happen... good changes! It's about dang time! I'm ready to get healthy and feel good in my own skin again. I'm ready to get my life back on track and have something to look forward to. I'm ready to get back into the world and strut my stuff! Oh yah, I'M READY!!!! It just sucks that it's gonna take time to make it happen. I want it now... and although I'm a very patient person, this is one thing I'm tired of waiting for. But alas, wait I must!

I did a bunch of laundry while I was sick these past few days. I know a lot of people frown on doing laundry or whatever. I don't have a problem doing laundry... it's putting it away when it's done that bugs me. So I have about 4 loads of laundry neatly laid out on the foot of my bead. Yah, that's right. I can lay everything out nicely so it doesn't wrinkle but I hate hanging it up and putting things away. That's really funny to me because I'm kinda a OCD organized person. I like everything in it's place. I'm all kid-friendly and whatever but everything has a place and should be put there when it's not being used. So the fact that I have 4 loads of laundry on the foot of my bed is crazy and, quite honestly, driving me crazy. I guess I better bite the bullet and put the damn clothes away tomorrow.

Mini-me has his Christmas musical at school next week. I'm so excited. He's been singing the songs everywhere we go, practicing like the little Angel he is. I was in his class the other day and got to help teach the kiddos "Jingle Bell Rock". Their version was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.... but I just had to help them learn the right words! It really made me miss teaching music. I am so totally in my element when I'm teaching music and/or singing it. Teaching combines my favorite two loves: music and being Mommie. If only it paid better! Although, once I marry my super rich husband (I know he's trying to find me... it's just a matter of time before he's here!!!!), I won't have to worry about money so then I can do what I love and woo-hoo! What a wonderful thing that will be! :-)

Food today went like this:

Breakfast - Subway 6" egg and cheese on whole wheat breast with (gulp) a "drizzle" of chipotle sauce and oregano.

Lunch - SOY CRUMBLES, black beans, salsa, a tbsp of light sour cream, a "pinch" of 2% cheese and 4 tortilla chips crumbled on top. Yummm!

Dinner - Salad: lettuce, broccoli, 2% cheese, light Italian dressing and a few croutons.

Didn't have any snacks today. Lunch really filled me up. I'm a little bit hungry now, like for a snack, but I honestly don't feel like going through the effort of eating. I already turned all my lights off and don't feel like walking back out to the kitchen again! haha. So I'm sticking with my water and nyquil... and off to sleep I go!

Nighty night, loves.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Challenge Day #1

Wowzers! What a way to start a challenge. First of all, mini-me woke up sick so, OH JOY... another day at home for us. I'm tellin' ya, this having-a-cold crap sux major! But anyway, I've been drinking my water like a good girl. By 8am I had already drank 34 ounces. By 9 I'd had 60 something ounces and by 10, holy hell. I was, as mini-me puts it, a "pee machine"!!! I think I was around 80 ounces by that point.

My food went like this:

Breakfast: 6" egg white & spinach subway sandwich on whole wheat bread with a little salt & pepper and oregano.(Approximately 300 calories)

Lunch: Lean cuisine cheese pizza (340 calories) and 2 servings of watered down peppermint hot chocolate (240 calories)

Snack: 1 light string cheese (60 calories) and a mini-homemade-muffin (120 calories)

Dinner: Vegetable soup (220 calories), 1 mini-muffin (120 calories) and a light string cheese (60 calories)

For a grand caloric total of: 1,460

I still have a few calories to spare but I'm really not that hungry. I may have a few almonds or frozen fruit while watching The Biggest Loser. But anyway, water consumed was almost 5 liters plus 24 ounces of the watered down peppermint chocolate. Yah, that's a LOT of liquid in my body!

I can't wait to get some money so I can go get some good groceries. I got a few dollars today and am gonna go tomorrow to get some soy meat, broccoli, apples, spinach and a few other veggies. Oh, and some more whole wheat bread too! I totally dig this challenge from ALLAN... although I won't be able to stick to it 100% (mostly because I don't have the money to get certain foods) I will stick to it as best as possible. The liquids won't be a problem. Can't wait to see the outcome!

Happy Tuesday, readers!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Out Of My Way... I Have To PEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Holy hell. I've made more visits to the bathroom today than I have the mall this entire year.... that's a LOT!!! Every time I sit down, I have to pee. When I stand up, I have to pee. When I laugh, I have to pee. When I finish peeing, I have to pee again!

I'm usually the one with the strong bladder... among any group I'm in. I might have to pee but I can hold it 3 or 4 hours. But oh no. Not today. Today I've had almost 6 liters of water plus a 12 ounce hot chocolate. And if you think I'm exaggerating, get this. I'm watching "The Sing Off" while I'm typing this and literally every commercial break, I've had to pee. Oh geeze!

So anyway, tomorrow starts the new challenge. I'm excited for sure. If for nothing else but drinking all this water, I can definitely see some weight loss happening. It has to! Then cutting back on calories too.... oh yah, it's gonna be goooood!

Ok, so speaking of "The Sing Off", OH MY GOSH! These groups are friggin' amazing! It's really making me miss performing. Before I was a wife and before I was a mom, I was a SINGER!!! Oh yah! And I ROCKED!!! I'm more of a church singer, but my church has 2000-3000 people per service and I just loved it. Praising the Lord and sharing my testimony with all those people. Oh my goodness. I miss it so much. But yunno what? Once I get this dang weight off, I am gonna get back on that stage, reclaim my microphone and belt out some mighty musical notes. Oh yes sir, that's a promise! The day is a-comin'.

That reminds me... I need to add that to my "NSV Goals".

I am feeling a lot better today. I think I sound worse than I feel but hopefully that goes away tomorrow. I'm not a fan of nasal-talk! Then that darn coughing... yah. I could do without that, thank you very much! Other than that, perhaps it's the rest or maybe the tons of water.

Water?!?! CRAAAAAAAP!!!! Gotta pee again!

Ok. Much better. Anyway. Whatever it is, I'm so glad to be feeling better. I was way more conscious about my food choices today. Breakfast was two mini-chocolate muffins (homemade, they're OK). Lunch was my little truscuit pizzas which, by the way, I calculated (finally!!!) and for a serving, it's 280 calories! Had a string cheese and hot chocolate for a snack and then dinner was two graham crackers with 2 Tbsp. Nutella and an Activia yogurt. Other than that, it's just been water, water, WATER!!! (Crap... the urge to pee is coming back! Enough water talk!!!)

Tomorrow I have to find something to do to kill 2 1/2 hours while mini-me is at school. School is almost a half-hour from our home so it's pointless to drive to school, go home, go back to school to pick him up, then go back home.... every single day. Problem is, I'm running out of things to do while I wait. I was going on nice long walks for a while but with my plantar fasciitis and heel spurs, that's too painful to do. So then I was hanging out at the park stepping up and down on the benches but some Mexican landscapers have claimed both of the parks nearby. So then I was doing shopping but now that I'm beyond broke, that won't work. I guess all that's left is sitting in my car, listening to Christmas music, and either working on homework (only one week left!!!!!) or finishing up our Christmas crafts.

Anyhoo... I hope you had a super Monday. I gotta pee again so I'm signing off. Happy Tuesday to you!!!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

My Day Thus Far...

So here we are at 1(ish) PM. I woke up earlier than planned thanks to a certain short person in my life who insisted he needed to get up, right away, and fix his hair. Hrumph! So anyway, he got up, took a shower and spent a half-hour fixing his hair. I finally gave in and said "ok ok. I'm up. Let's get ready for church!" I should know better than to think I'm gonna skip church. God always has a way of making sure I get there!

So we got ready. I still feel like poo but I knew if there was only one thing I did today, it had to be church. I fixed us some whole wheat toast with Nutella (my super-quick breakfast solution) and brought a few bottles of water with us. I hate eating in the car but sometimes you just have to. So by the time I got to church (9:45) I had drank about 30 oz  of water! Woo-hoo! Had to pee but I held it until church was over.

The sermon was AWESOME! Learned more about the Prodigal Son coming home and how there's more to the story than just that. But no matter how many times we may screw up in life and abandon God, He always welcomes us back with open arms. How awesome is that? Just to know that you don't have to be perfect. He doesn't require it. And while that's not a free pass to do whatever the crap you want, it's peaceful comfort to know that you'll always be forgiven! WOO-HOO!!!!

So anyway, I was hungry when I got home and made little "truscuit pizza's" with 10 triscuits, 2 T. low everything pizza sauce and a couple pinches of shredded mozzerella. Microwaved for 30 seconds and vuah-la! Mini pizza's. A way healthier alternative to regular pizza in a small, satisfying snack format. Drank another 12 oz of water and 8 oz of diet coke. I know, diet coke is horrible and gives me INSANE migraines... but it's in my fridge and I just felt like having some. I already regret it as the migraine is making itself known as we speak. So I'm gonna go wash it away with another 12 or so ounces of water.

There ya have it.... my day thus far! I'm ready for a nap. Gotta get rid of this cold. C ya all on the flipside (I have no idea what that means... but my brother always says it and it kinda stuck with me. lol)!!!!

Saturday, December 4, 2010


Yah. That's been me for the past 48 hours. Sneezing. Coughing. Freezing. Sweating. Aching. Sore Throat. Heartburn. Yadda, yadda, yadda. And as if that hasn't sucked bad enough, it's ruined a lot for me. I had a BIG interview scheduled tomorrow and the lady called me today to confirm, heard my sniffles and said "Oh no! Sorry but we're going to have to cancel tomorrow. I have a very busy schedule this month and can't afford to get sick!" No matter how many times I tried to convince her I was fine and that it was just allergies, she insisted she didn't want exposure to me until I'm 100% better. "BETTER?" I'm FINE!!! I need this job!!!

So now I'm sick, broke and interview-less. What's a girl to do? I swear this seems like the end of the world right now... and I know it's just because I don't feel good.... but oh-my-goodness. It's SO bad that I literally do not know how I'm going to pay rent next month. I'm down to my last $20 and have very little food in my home and am almost out of gas in my car. My son goes to school 20 miles away so that's enough gas for about 2 or 3 days of school. OY-VEY!!!!!!!

I have faith. I know everything will work out. And I'm doing everything in my power to make things better. But I swear, my life is all about 2 steps forward, 1 step back. As an optimist (usually) I look at that as still going forward. But today, I say, ENOUGH!!! I just want things to work for once. I am tired of my evil ex-husband taking everything from me and after that, taking more. I am so PISSED at him for doing this to me. I deserve better. My son deserves better.

{How's that for "victim mentality"? Geesh! I know. I sound pathetic!}

On to the food/weight loss crap. So I don't really feel like eating thing right now, mostly because I can't taste it. Yes, I know it's gross, but all I taste is phlegm. Ick! I have, however, been drinking a lot. Mostly water because nothing, and I mean nothing, is better than water!!!! (It's my FREE cure-all!) But due to the fact I'm not eating much else, I have had some tea and orange juice. I feel hungry right now but really just can't get past the phlegm flavor so I'll pass. Maybe in the morning some minestrone soup will do me some good!

My little one has been so patient with me. I can only imagine how bad it would suck having your favorite play- buddy out-of-commission for 2 days. There has been lots of movie-watching and sleeping going on in our home. One positive is we're pretty much current on all the unopened movies we've had collecting dust for the past several months. However, being totally and completely inactive for 2 whole days SUX. I can feel it in every inch of my body.

My poor child is just isn't having this Mommie-being-sick-thing. "Mommie, I feel so lazy. I need to exercise!" I mean, as a Mom, I'm proud that I've instilled the importance of exercise to the point that going without it for 2 days makes a big impact. And yesterday, we tried to walk to the park but I got cold sweats and almost puked everywhere. Today, my only exercise was taking the trash out and I puked along the way... something about the smell of trash while not feeling good, I guess. But oh man! I literally never get sick and this is, like, 5 years worth of sickness all rolled into one major BLAH!!!!!

So ALLAN, at "Almost Gastric Bypass", is doing a challenge. Actually, I guess it's Phase 3 of a program. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what all it is but from what I understand, it has a lot to do with liquid consumption. I drink a lot of water anyway, but usually the majority of it is at the end of the day. I think this program is drinking most of it at the beginning of the day so you're full all day. Great idea! So I said SURE, WHAT THE HECK?!?! I'm joining this challenge/program and will commit to it the rest of this year. I put my goal at 20 lbs. That's totally doable. Right? 20 lbs in 3 1/2 weeks.

The only thing I worry about it my dang PCOS. It hates me and works so hard against me. However, I have been regularly taking my medication again (the pills are HUGE, STINKY and give me major diarrhea so I haven't taken them regularly). I know that will be a huge help! Also, I don't know what eating guidelines are included but I'm a vegetarian so hopefully it works ok with that. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how it goes. If you want to join his challenge, you have to contact him by tomorrow (Sunday). Otherwise you'll have to wait for the next one!

So, there's my super long blog post to make up for not doing any for the last few days. I'm miserable today... but I know tomorrow will be a better day. I'm gonna go pop some Nyquil, drink another Liter of water and head my super plump booty to bed. I hope you had a much better week than I did!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It Felt So Good, So I Did It Again!!!

I really enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment I had today... I ate much better than I have been AND exercised! I felt great! So, as I sat on the couch an hour ago to watch The Biggest Loser, I decided to go for one more workout. While they were doing their stepping challenge, I got my stepper out and did one too. I made it 12 minutes without taking a break. I lost count after 150 but I'm sure I did much more than that. What a great way to end the night! I'm already sore but I'm very much in love with this feeling and want to do it all over again tomorrow! :-)

Food/Fitness Log: November 30, 2010

Activia Strawberry Cheescake Yogurt (120 cals, I believe)
2 Homemade Mini Chocolate Muffins (Approx 100 cals each)

Veggie Burrito @ Rubio's (black beans, onions, peppers, salsa in whole wheat tortilla)
A Few Chips (I know, BAD! I way did NOT need those!!)
Tall Vanilla Chai from Starbucks

1 Light String Cheese

1 Black Bean Veggie Burger w/ 2% Shredded Cheese, Squirt of Mustard, Squirt of Ketchup
Handful of Shoestring French Fries (plus some from my son's plate)
1/4 C. Cottage Cheese

Hot Cocoa
I made my hot coca, looked at it and decided I didn't need it, so down the drain it went!!!

Up and Down 6 Flights of Stairs (7 minutes)
35 Minutes - Walking, Playing on Playground & Going Up/Down Hills
42 Minutes Total

My Thoughts:
So first of all... YAY ME!!! I set a 20 minute exercise goal and doubled it!!! I feel really good, too! I mean, I'm sore for sure,  but in a totally good way!

As for food, ok. So I definitely did better today that I have been. I got stuck eating lunch out. By "stuck", I mean this. I live about 30 minutes away from the rest of my life. My son's school, my family, my friends, my son's sports, etc. Everything is two towns over from where I live... as that's where I used to live. So when we're out and about all day, sometimes it's not practical to get back home. It's difficult to bring prepared food with me as it will spoil in my car. 

I'm not working right now so I don't have a fridge where I can keep our lunch. So anyway, usually 4 out of the 5 weekdays we end up having to eat out. I am working on making better choices... (veggie sub at Subway, veggie burrito or salad) wherever we go. Honestly, I'm looking forward to working again so I can bring my lunch, send my son to school with his homemade lunch, and saving a lot of money that way!

Until then, I am just going to focus on making better choices. I'm definitely much more conscious now of what I put in my mouth. I seriously WANT to get healthy. I hate being to fat for my fat clothes and crying when I look in the mirror. It drives me insane when I look at a pic from me before I got pregnant, remember how "fat" I thought I was then. I wish I could blink my eyes and go back to that "fat". That fat was 100 lbs less than where I am now. Hrumph!

Anyway, no looking back.... just look forward. One day at a time. One choice at a time. Eat to live not live to eat. I CAN DO THIS!!!

So... honest critique. What changes would you have made to my food/exercise today? Or did I do alright?

I'm setting another exercise goal for tomorrow of 30 minutes. I was hella worn out after playing "monsters" and "superheroes" on the playground for a half hour but oh my gosh, so much fun! My chest was tight. It almost hurt to breathe. I know I was getting a good workout. Oh and going up and down the hills and stairs, I almost diet. Literally. But I pushed through it and I know I can do it again tomorrow! 

Oh, and one more YAY for me... dumping my hot cocoa. I actually thought about it before I drank those calories. I decided I wasn't actually hungry or craving a sweet... I was just bored. So I drank some water and sat down to write this blog entry instead!!!

Happy Tuesday, friends!

Monday, November 29, 2010

By The Way....

... I know I make a lot of excuses right now! That's how I've been able to be fat for so long and do nothing about it. And it's something I'm working through. But that won't always be me. For every excuse I make now, I am determined to find a solution. I gladly welcome constructive feedback but know this, I'm on a journey. I am not going to become healthy and happy overnight. The point of me blogging about my journey is to write down all the feelings and excuses, and whatever-the-hell else I want to write about, in hopes of not only helping me get healthy, but also helping to inspire someone else. So there. Just thought you should know that.

The Big, Bad, Super Scary Gym!!!

I recently moved into a nice apartment complex... 15 steps away from their gym. I figured it'd be the perfect thing for me... no excuses. With the gym right there, I could workout every day and all would be good. Well, quite the opposite has happened. I'm actually kinda scared of it. Why? I dunno. I've been a gym rat for about 7 years now so I don't understand why this little gym is intimidating me.

Maybe the fact that residents walk in and out of there all day long and I don't want one of my neighbors to see me all gross.

Maybe the fact the equipment is "ghetto" and wobbly and I'm afraid my big ass will fall off it... or worse, break it!

Maybe the fact there's windows all around the room and the neighbors right behind those windows can stare at my fat ass while I sweat.

Maybe it's the fact I'm all alone when I exercise... with the exception of my darling "mini-me".

Maybe it's the lack of music and liveliness you get at a traditional gym.

I don't know what it is. I just know it's freaking me out and I totally need to get over it. My son was begging me to go to the gym today so he could "workout and get super big and super strong"! How could I say "no" to that?!?! So we went. And yunno what? HE worked out. But I held the water bottles. OMG. What a tub-a-lard. I swear! I'm this super huge chick with a huge goal and rather than exercising, I just stood and watched my 5-year-old exercise. I mean, yah. I want him to be healthy and whatever. But I need to get healthy too... like, it friggin' has to be a priority.  

What the hell, Black Kat? What's it gonna take for you to get your ass in motion??? Aren't you tired of living this way? Aren't you ready to start living the fun, active life you've been talking about these past few years? 

So yah. It's one of those nights. I'm beating myself up in my own little fat-person pity party. Luckily I already brushed my teeth so I can't turn to food for comfort! Ha! There's the silver lining!!! ;-)

Anyway, I am determined to get a solid 20 minutes of exercise tomorrow. I've done a lot of walking lately which is irritating the hell out of my plantar fasciitis and heel spurs so I'm gonna try something else. Maybe my Dancing With The Stars dvd or climbing the stairs at my parents' apartment. Whatever it is, I WILL do 20 minutes (at least) tomorrow!

Until then....

Food/Fitness Log: November 29, 2010

Foot-long Egg & Cheese @ Subway w/ Spinach, Onions, Salt/Pepper, Oregano and Chipotle Sauce.

Veggie Bowl @ Chipotle w/ Little Rice, Extra Black Beans, Salsa, Sour Cream, Cheese & Lots Of Lettuce
1/2 Apple w/ 1 T. Nutella

1/4 Homemade Pizza (roughly 300 calories)
Hot Cocoa

2 Holiday Christmas Tree Cake Thingies (Little Debbie's)

5 Minutes - Squats & Lunges
2 Minutes - Push Ups
2 Minutes - Stand Up/Sit Downs
9 Minutes Total 
(Crappy! I know. I made way too many excuses today...)

My Thoughts:
Oh man. I can totally see why I have gained all this weight. These couple treats here and there, meals outside the home every day, etc.... they all add up. Wowzers! I can see the things I'm doing wrong now that I'm writing it all down. I don't need cheese and sauce on my breakfast sandwich. Lunch I could have eaten at home... or if I had to eat out, skip the rice and/or sour cream and cheese. The black beans and lettuce were good. I didn't need the treats at dinner AND the cocoa... one or the other would've been fine. Homemade pizza was WAY better than delivery... and I spared a LOT of calories. Next time I should add veggies to it or a side salad. Gotta get those veggies in!

I am excited to officially begin my journey on Wednesday. I know if I stick with it, I'll do great. I just have to break this hold that food has over me. It's been my comfort for far too long... I'm ready to end this relationship and take back the control!

To be honest, I don't even enjoy food all that much. Today I literally almost vomited when we walked by the McDonald's in Wal-Mart. It makes me sick. And while I've never been much of a fast-food eater, still... I eat plenty of frozen "meals", bagged snacks and processed goodies. Imagine what my life will be like with fresh, home-cooked meals and snacks. And a life focused on living instead of on eating. Oh yah! I'm excited!!!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Food/Fitness Log: November 28, 2010

1 1/2 Starbucks Egg & Cheese Artisan Sandwich (roughly 450 calories)
Starbucks Tall Vanilla Chai (roughly 225 calories)
1/2 Starbucks Old Fashioned Doughnut   (roughly 225 calories)

1 Grilled Cheese on Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices) w/ 2% Cheese (about 1/4 cup) (roughly 160 calories)
1 1/2 Cups Cheesy Soup (super bad for me, I know!) (About 200 calories)
1 Bottle of Sparkling Apple Cider (roughly 420 calories)
5 Apple Slices (About 20 calories)

Mashed Potatoes (roughly 250 calories)
2 Dinner Rolls (roughly 160 calories)

3 Holiday Oreo's (160 calories)

Nothing Intentional

My Thoughts:
So I haven't started officially counting calories just yet but judging by my approximation, I consumed roughly 2270 calories today. Granted, we often underestimate how many calories are in something by 10-15% so adding that 15%, I'd be at 2,610 for today. Geesh! That's extremely high. No wonder I'm so FAT!

Every calculator I've played with online says to maintain my weight, I need to consume roughly 2,700 calories each day. Clearly, that's not hard to do. Sad thing is, I'm actually still hungry. Grr! But anyway, increasing exercise by 30-45 minutes per day and restricting my calories to 2,000 I should lose roughly 2-3 lbs per week. That would be GREAT!!!!Although, taking my PCOS into consideration, it'll probably be more like 1.5-2 lbs per week but honestly, I'll take any loss... as long as the numbers keep going down, all will be good!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

My One-Year Journey Begins.... Not Now!

Ok so I know the saying "there's not time like the present" but I am so not ready to officially start my one-year journey just yet. I still have a lot to do to prepare. I need to make charts (yunno... sticker charts?!?! I'm like a kid... stickers make me happy!), buy and prepare good food, figure out my schedule, etc. I know it sounds like a lot of unnecessary work going in to this but I know me. If I don't prepare, I fail. Simple as that.

I posted on Facebook today that I'm going to lose 100 lbs in the next year for my 10-year high school reunion. The feedback has been awesome. I'm totally encouraged!

I know you can do it girl!! ~Cindy

If there anyone that can do it is you! ~Bev

Just a couple of the nice comments. Nothing too elaborate but just enough that I feel good. I feel like I can do this. I know it's going to mean a lot of hard work and sometimes inconveniencing me... but I know the reward will be way worth it!

So just a little history for you. 5 years ago, I lost 95 lbs in a single year. I can't say I wasn't trying, but I wasn't trying HARD. I mean, my friend and I went to the gym every day after work for 30-60 minutes. Actually, sometimes we'd go for a couple hours just because we didn't have anything else going on and it was a way to hang out and get healthy together. I didn't really diet. I watched what I ate and made smart choices but didn't go out of my way to cut calories, etc. It was more that my mentality was to live a healthy life rather than stressing over losing weight. I made good choices and got good results.

I know I can do it again. Granted, I'm older now, I've had children and I now have PCOS.... but still, it's not impossible. And now that I have this darn high school reunion next year, I have to get serious. I have almost exactly a year (actually, less than a year, I think) to lose as much weight as possible. My goal is 100 lbs but I'll be happy with any loss.

I wanna look HOT at that reunion. I don't know if anyone will actually remember me but I want to walk into that room with all the confidence in the world and look great mingling with these people from my past. Who knows? My future soul-mate might be in that room so I have to look my very best!

December 1st (Wednesday) is my target "start date". Not a typical Monday. I figure mid-week is a good time for weigh-ins... a couple days before/after the weekend and I rarely ever have plans that day so it's a good day to blog about progress, etc.

I'm looking forward to this journey!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving.... Oy-Vey!

Thanksgiving... a holiday where we are forced to remember all the things we're thankful for. Good food. Good friends. Loving family. Great job. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Don't get me wrong. I am completely thankful for all those things. But the whole time I sat at that table, staring at all that yummy food and the family I was sharing it with, all I could think about was this ginormous belly attached to my body, sitting between me and that yummy food. How dare I gorge on such deliciousness when I sit here with enough fat on my body to last me an entire winter? I mean seriously. How could I even think about enjoying such a feast when quite honestly, that's how I eat most nights.

No. This Thanksgiving wasn't going to be about the food for me. I have so much to be thankful for and that's what I wanted to focus on. Sure, I ate. But I had small portions and only one helping. Really, aside from the eggs and whole wheat toast at breakfast, all I had to eat the entire day was one roll, about 1 cup of delicious mashed potatoes, same amount of stuffing and a few glasses of some sparkling apple cider. Compared to the normal 2-heaping-plates-of-food thing that I normally do, I was impressed. I did enjoy a small slice of my mom's apple pie but skipped the crust so ate just apples in cinnamon. Yah, that's right. I rocked it!!!

What does this tell me? Well, I guess I can have control over what I eat. I can be satisfied with small amounts. I can enjoy food in social settings without going overboard. SWEET! One Day At A Time is my mantra. I just keep saying over and over to myself and hope that it will catch on quickly. I tend to worry to much about what I'm going to do tomorrow when in reality, I just need to focus on today!

Anyhoo, for today, I'm beat. It's been a long day so I'm off to bed. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving as much as I did.

-= Black Kat =-