Full Food Log For Today

Breakfast- Grilled cheese! (400 calories) and pumpkin spice drink (130 calories)

Lunch- PB&J on whole grain bread and an apple. Oh, and I did have 1 hershey's kiss. (approx 400 calories)

Snack- 2 light string cheeses (120 calories), 4 triscuts (40 calories) and 10 ounces of broth (10 calories) = 170 calories

2nd Snack/1st Dinner- 10 ounces of broth before dinner. (10 calories) 1 whole grain tortilla (120 calories) w/ 2 tbsp. peanut butter (180 calories)

2nd Dinner- 2 1/2 slices of a small cheese pizza.(400 calories)

Shameful Snack- remaining 1 1/2 slices of pizza (240 calories)

Total Calories For The Day: 2,050

I am so PISSED at myself for eating that last 1 1/2 pieces of pizza. I realize that after one week, I am so not strong enough to resist temptation. Pizza is my weakness. I should have known better than to go out. And I think I did ok with the 2 1/2 pieces... but then my mom insisted I take home the leftovers (2 1/2 slices) so my son could have it tomorrow. She played the guilt trip of "I bought that pizza for you guys... don't waste it!"  So I took it. I hid it in the car so I wouldn't be tempted by it but then when my son said he was hungry while we were driving around looking at lights, I gave him a piece and that was it. I ate the other one... and couldn't leave a half a piece behind. Right?  

DARNIT!!!!

I know complete transformation doesn't happen overnight. I get that. But I have done so good this week and I'm just really irritated with myself right now. I mean, in all fairness, 2,050 is still way less than I've been eating. It's still an OK amount. And I don't think I'm too worries with that... it's just what I ate. I think my choices during the day were ok. But that pizza?!?! Oy-vey. Not cool.

What do you think, tho... next time, if I just stick to 2 pieces, does that sound ok? I know I have to be strong enough to say NO to a 3rd piece. And really, I don't think I wanted it. It's just because it was there... and we were all chatting and everyone else was eating a 3rd and 4th and 5th piece, etc. But if I can stick to 2 pieces, every once in a while, then I think that's ok. It's still enjoying food out with friends and family but not going crazy. Right???

I guess the one good thing is that I've certainly had enough to drink today. I have a pretty pink 22 ounce water bottle that I've filled up 6 times... plus 20 ounces of broth... and 12 ounces of pumpkin spice.  I'm sure I'll drink one more full water bottle (22 ounces) before bed! That's a total of 186 ounces today... if I did my math right!

UGH! Why is it sooooo easy to GAIN the weight but SO MUCH HARDER to lose it? It's just not fair. I want to be able to enjoy a meal out with family and friends without having to worry about my meal making me gain weight or move up to the next size bigger clothing. But the reality is, I can't. I ate my way to this disgusting weight and now I have to work hard on going back to a healthy weight. I really hate that I let myself get this big and I hate that this is something I have to even talk about.

But in the scope of the big picture, I know this is just a slip up. It's gonna happen. Just like an addict of any other drug, there's temptations and occasional slip-ups. The important thing is going to be learning from this and making sure it doesn't happen again.

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be where you've always been."

That's what I don't want to happen. I don't want to make a mistake and then make it again. I want to learn from it and make the changes necessary so it doesn't happen again. Make sense?

Alright, I guess I'm done beating myself up for one night. On to better choices tomorrow....