I began my public journey in November, 2010 when the scale reached 330 lbs. I never imagined I would be one of those people. Sure, I struggled with weight my entire life but the 200's were my battleground. The 300's were a whole new territory... one I am not comfortable with. So, of all the times of the year to begin a journey, I began during the holidays. (I have never claimed to be SMART and certainly won't begin now!)
Growing up I was always a "chubby" kid. Even at my thinnest most healthiest times, I still had one of those "chubby" looking faces. Thanks, Pops! I'm very much a girlie girl and do not like to get dirty. Therefore, I never played sports. I danced some until I injured my ankles enough times that I had to call it quits.
I was also a member of the "clean plate club", meaning my parents insisted I clean my plate at each meal. I grew up with the understanding that I had to eat everything on my plate whether I was hungry or not. That mentality sticks with me today. I have a hard time leaving food on my plate because that's just not how I was raised.
The good thing, though, is that I've learned better. In fact, I have chosen not to enter Shorty into that club. With him, I say "if your tummy is full, you may be done. You may not have dessert, but you certainly don't have to eat when you're not hungry." Plus I give him smaller portions. And part of my plan to lose this weight is to eat like him. Small portions on a kid-sized plate. Eat when I'm hungry. Stop when I'm full. And play a LOT!
By the time I became an adult, I was really tired of being the outcast because of my weight. I wanted to feel pretty and confident and be able to enjoy life... and not have that "eh, it's just another day" mentality. So I started working out with Texas, my best friend at the time. We'd go to the gym every day after work and squeeze it in on the weekend, too.
We still ate meals out. In fact, I remember many breadstick trips at Fazoli's. But my mentality then was EAT WHEN I'M HUNGRY. STOP WHEN I'M FULL. And that was it. I drank water, but didn't drown myself. I worked out, but didn't kill myself. In fact, most of the time when Texas and I were at the gym, it was social time. We talked on the treadmill. Talked on the elliptical. Talked while lifting weights. I don't think I ever really pushed myself... I just kept moving.
After one year of that, I lost 100 lbs. I wasn't really even trying to lose weight. I thought of it more as just eating better, staying in sync with my body and a way to spend extra time with my best friend. I didn't check the scale often but definitely noticed my clothes getting bigger and my body getting smaller. I remember one day, as I was getting ready for a date, I decided to check the scale. Texas happened to be at my apartment helping me get ready for this date. I got on the scale and started screaming and laughing at the same time. Texas was freaked out so came in to see what was wrong. I told her "OH MY GOSH!!! I'm down 100 lbs now!!!" And we did a victory dance! It was the greatest feeling. I went on that date feeling so sexy and so accomplished! I definitely put my all into that date and it ended up getting me a husband.
A year later, S.D. and I got married in Vegas. It was a "hush hush" kinda thing (which I found out later was because he didn't want my family to stop me from marrying him). But anyway, I just so happened to be 6 months pregnant at the time. Things were good with me and S.D. until he found out I was pregnant with Shorty. He already had a child from a previous relationship and that was all he wanted. So he did everything in his power to make sure Shorty was never born. It was a violent pregnancy. A violent marriage. And it led to a violent divorce. I received enough violence and hate from S.D. in our 1 year marriage (2 years together) to last me a lifetime!
During my pregnancy, I gained 75 lbs. During my separation and divorce I gained 40 lbs. Then post-divorce, I gained another 20 lbs. If you do the math, that puts me at 35 lbs heavier than I was before I lost the 100 lbs. So now I have to lose those 100 lbs all over again... as well as the extra 35 lbs. It's going to be a lot of work but it simply has to be done! I'm all Shorty has. He needs me to be around... and be healthy! So, I am doing this for me... but also for him!
In between then and now I found out I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). It means 1) I have many cysts on my ovaries and 2) I am pre-diabetic/insulin resistant. So I can eat the same piece of bread any "normal" woman would eat and gain twice as much weight as she would. I can workout just as hard as someone else my size and lose less than half of the weight she does. Sometimes I feel like I just look at a candy bar and gain 5 lbs. It's extra hard to lose weight which makes it extra frustrating and so much easier to just give up!
So anyway, that brings us to my decision to get my fat ass into shape... this year... during the holidays! Thanksgiving came and while I didn't lose any weight, I did begin tracking my food and being more conscious of my decisions. Over Christmas I lost about 7 lbs. Not a huge number but for me, it was great! For the last 2 years I've seen the scale go up and up and up and for once, it was going down!
That brings me to now... the new year! My goal for the year is 110 lbs. Why? Well, cuz that would take me to my pre-pregnancy weight and I felt hella sexy there! To get back to that weight would mean the world to me! I was tan, toned and had so much energy. I felt sexy naked (that's when I discovered how great sex can be!), bought all kinds of lingerie, had the confidence to date and even sang publicly without any hesitation. That's when I truly lived and I so long to be there again! This is my year... 110 lbs 2 lose in 2011!!!!!!
